Some people have compared going through a divorce is like a death in the family. While it mightn’t be a physical death it is the death of your love as a couple. When you recall the joy you had on your wedding day compared to the pain you feel right now it can leave you depressed, alone and possibly grief stricken. Like going through the pain and grief of a death divorce can lead you to go through some of these stages…
7 deadly feelings to be aware of and avoid
You probably have angry thoughts of Why me? How can this be happening to me after all these years? Why can’t I be happy like everyone else?
Trying to deny your divorce; this isn’t happening to me. We’re only going through the motions of a divorce but it won’t happen.
I should have done better. I let my kids down. I let my family down. I let my church down. Maybe I even let my spouse down.
There’s no life after divorce. My friends won’t want a divorced friend hanging around them. Why are there so many happy marriages out there? Along with going through these emotions it’s common for a divorcee to question every part of their marriage and new life over and over again.
Why didn’t I do my best to save our marriage? Am I unlovable? What did I do wrong? I can change, if I change this won’t happen. I’ll do anything I have to do to make this go away.
I’ll never marry again. Who’ll want to date a divorcee especially one with kids? I’m not good enough?
How can I survive financially? People will think it was all my fault. I’ll lose friends because of this.
Be prepared for these feelings coming up, it’s only natural and you won’t be the first or last to feel this way.
These emotions and feelings will probably be even worse if it was your partner who filed for divorce and not you. It can be hard to come to terms that your marriage is finally over and your mind will try to find ways and solution to handle this stress. But the good news is that you’re now better prepared for when these thoughts and feelings come up, and know where they’re coming from. So how can you begin rebuilding yourself again and be-ginning the healing process? Time is a great healer and over time all those negative thoughts and feeling will pass. It won’t start to begin until your divorce is filed away and you’re now living separate lives.
This is because in the process of your divorce you’ll be going back over past history in paperwork and interviews that keep all those feeling and thoughts fresh in your mind. But afterwards the path is now clear to start on your healing process. So how can you speed up and help this process along.
Be accepting of support from friends and family
Your family and friends know you best and are one place you can call for support. As they say “A problem shared is a problem halved” and having someone you trust to talk things over can be a great thing to have in your darker days. But a word of warning, if you’re constantly bringing up the same conversation over and over again don’t be surprised if they start get tired of your time spent together.
If you haven’t got a close family to fall back or things don’t seem to be moving on, it might be wise to seek professional help. These people are well versed in dealing in these types of problems and can help guide you back to normal living. When looking for the right counsellor for you, it’s best to find one that you both feel comfortable speaking to and one who has experience in the divorce field.
Join support groups
If you’re not afraid of speaking of your problems in a group setting and would like to share your divorce with others, then a support group may be right for you. These are usually organized by churches, local community groups and are usually free. One of the benefits of support groups is the camaraderie and friendship you build as you all help each other getting over your divorces.
Remember, stress at this time is natural
Don’t be surprised if the stress going through your divorce is a lot more than any stress you ever went through during your marriage. Making the decision to look for help is sometimes a difficult thing to do but the quicker you seek help the quicker you can start to heal.
Going through a divorce can make you feel that life as you know it is coming to an end, but divorce is only the end of your marriage, not your life. You’re about to embark on the next stage of your life and that’s exciting!